Jon Jack in Malawi
Monday, December 19th, 2005
Ezign is Jon Jack’s online portfolio and sketchbook. He is currently travelling around the world and had the following entries to publish on his time in Malawi. He has generously allowed TFT to reproduce his entries and beautiful photographs. Please visit his site at www.ezign.co.uk
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January 06, 2005
Malawi and the road to Mzuzu
5000km later and we finally arrived in Malawi. Pretty exhausted from all the driving. We stopped just over the border near Zawela, and from out of the grasses appeared a posse of inquisitive kids clothed in a random array of garments. Since coming here I’ve seen people in shell suits, velvet trilby hats, you name it. If you ever wonder where some of the gear you donate to the charity shop goes, it goes to Malawi.
They couldn’t speak much English but they all seemed to know about football when asked who the best team were. “Hibs are the best” they answered. Only kidding, it was Brazil and Ronaldo. They all could speak the international language of football and could say ‘David Beckham’ and ‘Michael Owen’. As we were leaving they started asking us for money, and then they pointed to the empty plastic water bottles and asked for them. It was hard to deal with seeing this group of children getting so animated about an empty plastic bottle.
Everywhere we’ve been the children all seem so happy, and they have absolutely nothing.
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January 08, 2005
Vwasa Marsh Game Reserve
Forget everything you thought about elephants. The wisest and most intelligent of animals or cute like ‘Dumbo’. They’re aggressive and big and scary. We arrived at the game reserve in the early afternoon and no sooner had we taken the bags out of the car than the guide came rushing up: “sono sono” quickly quickly. We jumped in the truck and headed into the bush. Driving along with windows down, someone shouted “tsetse flies”. Frantic activity ensued, windows up and people hitting windows with hats, hands, shoes to try and kill the things. Unbelievably of all the travel jabs we’d had, there’s no inoculation for sleeping sickness which you get from the Tsetse fly (as we know well, ‘The Crescent’pub quiz goers).
Five minutes down the road we came across a herd of about thirty buffalo and about a dozen elephants. Elephants are huge. We were informed we would be safe in the Landrover, but there was one towering over us looking very pissed off at us disturbing its chill out time. “Slowly by slowly” murmured the guide, indicating we should drive on past it. When we were about four or five metres away, it suddenly charged towards us, ears flapping, trumpeting loudly. The guide calmly informed us that this was apparently a ‘false charge’; they will charge and turn back, charge and turn back. Still scary though - I’m sure there are times when they don’t turn back.
A few weeks earlier a couple of VSO volunteers were at the game reserve. They were walking away from their accommodation when a few elephants appeared from nowhere. Excited about the chance encounter, they whipped out the cameras. The elephants didn’t like it. One of the guys managed to climb up a tree. The other got chased round and round a tree. Eventually tiring of the game, the elephant knocked him down with its trunk and sat on the guy. He had to be flown home to Dublin with internal bleeding and lucky to be alive.
We slept in little huts by the lake made up of elephant-proof twigs that night. It was fantastic - we had our dinner and our guide told us we had to go to bed at 7.30 as the hippos come out to feed next to the huts at night.
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January 12, 2005
How to make a White Russian
“Mzungu”: that’s what they call all ye white folk down these ways in Malawi. Not a derogatory term we’re told - more an affectionate reference to Europeans. We’ve been in Malawi over a week now and seen some cool places and met some extraordinary people. Spent the last couple of days in a little lakeside resort called Nkhyarta Bay. It’s so picturesque. There are photographs of boats on the lake and they look superimposed, kind of floating in the air as the water is so clear.
The hostel at Nkhyarta Bay is great and we’d really recommend it to anyone. Good atmosphere and amazing location. They also run a children and youth project in the town for AIDS orphans. We gave them some kit from the Meadowbank Community Football Club we’d dragged over with us (can’t get away from it no matter how far away we go!) and strips donated to us from Kilmarnock. It was good to see how much they were genuinely appreciated.
Finally managed to find somewhere in sub Saharan Africa that will give me a white Russian (it’s been a mission). Keane the barman gave in and attempted to make his first white Russian. We gave him the instructions “kind of like a black Russian but instead of coke use milk” - all good. So we got a shot of vodka and a shot of coffee liqueur (no Kahlua I’m afraid). Only problem was we got half a litre of milk with it. As the Big Lebowski would say, “bummer Dude”. Second attempt was spot on, though that said, it would have been better with real milk and not powdered milk (Big Phil you would have been proud of us).
Spent the next morning snorkelling and kayaking on the lake, fantastic. Have to say I was thinking about Scotland and how the weather must be at home as I was swimming around in the sunshine with all the fish. Oh well thems the breaks I suppose.
White Russian
1 x shot of Vodka
1 x shot of Kahlua
Serve in small tumbler with lots of ice, finally add milk.
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January 14, 2005
Ten top facts about Malawi
Well, I’m now sitting on the plane bound for Johannesburg listening to tunes, a wee bit bored as Abby’s sleeping. I guess our jaunt around southern Africa has come to an end. I don’t want to bore everyone with a “and then we did this and then we did that and then…” you know what I mean? Are you bored anyway? Who cares if you are, stop reading. Here’s a list of things we found out about Malawi, in no particular order. Take a note ‘The Crescent’ – you never know when victory might strike again.
No one knows how to make a white Russian (apart from one dude in Nkharta Bay, see previous entry)
Men walk about the streets holding hands. (We’ve been reliably informed that it’s not because they are gay. I guess its just holding hands in that macho way like they do at home, you know when you see all those dudes holding hands down Leith Walk.)
You get just over 200 kwachis to the pound
A beer costs 50 kwachis.
Women carry everything on their heads except babies which are strapped to their backs
Every billboard advert seems to be for soap or some sort of soap product
Everyone eats seema (a kind of doughy thing made from maize and water, I think they eat it all over Africa but under different names)
They call white people Mzungos
Malawi is known as ‘the warm heart of Africa’. Awwwwwwwww
Lake Malawi is also known as the calendar lake: 365 miles long, 52 miles across, 12 miles deep…..no, hang on, 12 miles across, 365 feet deep,…….no – 365 miles across, 52 miles deep……
There we go I know you’ll all be thrilled at that :-)
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Ezign is Jon Jack’s online portfolio and sketchbook. He is currently travelling around the world and had the following entries to publish on his time in Malawi. He has generously allowed TFT to reproduce his entries and beautiful photographs. Please visit his site at www.ezign.co.uk
